


it's not that we're scared (it's just that it's delicate)

by thistableforone



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:02:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23139697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thistableforone/pseuds/thistableforone
Summary: “If you really don’t want to do it, I don’t want to either,” Kara says, and Lena knows she means it. The reassurance warms her chest, but it’s clear that something about this means a lot for Kara, and she wants to know what it is.“But you really want to,” she finally says, her tone soft to let her know that she’s trying to be open to the idea. “Why is that?”Kara and Lena get invited to participate in a reality show to get matching tattoos.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 8
Kudos: 258





	it's not that we're scared (it's just that it's delicate)

**Author's Note:**

> My friend [carry-on-my-wayward-son98](https://carry-on-my-wayward-son98.tumblr.com/) sent me [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0Wg34pSkj4)... and I turned it into a supercorp fanfiction. That's it :)
> 
> English is not my first language, please forgive my mistakes.

The fact is, Lena has heard of it. She's never really watched it, but the name is familiar and she knows what it is about.

It's a reality show where couples decide each other's tattoos. Each one chooses the graphic, the place, the size for the other, and the other person doesn't get to know anything about it until the tattoo is already done. The reveal is public, the main event of each episode, full of trepidation and fright. 

So she knows what it is. What she doesn't know is why the authors of this show have decided to invite her and Kara. Pictures of them have been on magazine - taken from afar during their lunch dates or L-Corp events - but do they really invite people based on gossip? She doesn't investigate further, she just tells Jess to ignore the invite.

Kara, however, doesn’t ignore the invite.

Apparently she receives the same email, and instead of deleting it, she shows it to Lena that same night, shoving her phone in front of her face once they’ve finished eating and they're settled on the couch.

Kara starts to talk before Lena can even read the email, and she catches up only because the invite she refused some hours earlier comes back to mind. Kara is definitely into the idea, if the speed of her talking and the beaming smile on her lips is a sign to go by. 

“I don’t know why I never thought about it, but this is so cool, Lena!”

She doesn’t say anything, only takes Kara’s enthusiasm, but her face must betray how unsure she is about it. Kara progressively deflates at her silence and her talking slows down until her shoulders slump.

“You don’t… want to?” she asks quietly.

Lena shakes her head on instinct, but she doesn’t know for sure if she wants to say that no, she doesn’t want to, or no, that’s not it.

“You don’t trust me?” Kara asks again. “You think I would get something horrible on your body?” 

That’s not it, either. She trusts her, she knows she wouldn’t - and she tries to ignore the way she shivers at Kara’s voice saying _on your body_. To be honest, she doesn’t truly know why she refused the invite. Because it’s ridiculous, yes. Because their lives, their friendship are private. Because they’re public figures and that’s not the ideal, usual press she’s looking for.

“If you really don’t want to do it, I don’t want to either,” Kara says, and Lena knows she means it. The reassurance warms her chest, but it’s clear that something about this means a lot for Kara, and she wants to know what it is.

“But you really want to,” she finally says, her tone soft to let her know that she’s trying to be open to the idea. “Why is that?”

She expects Kara to start rambling, to overflow her with excited words again to try and convince her - but Kara blinks and ducks her head down. She plays with the hem of her sweater, and Lena has time to take notice once again that just because Kara is bright, it doesn’t mean what she does is. Every little thing she does seems to be rooted in thoughts.

“I would have you with me,” she explains quietly.

Lena frowns. "I'm here with you right now."

"I know," she agrees. "But you would be with me always. Even if I lost you, I would still have something."

Lena blinks, and Kara raises her head at the silence. She's biting the inside of her cheek, Lena can see from here.

"Why would you lose me? Why is that a fear of yours?"

"Because I keep losing the people I love," she explains, her eyes gleaming. "I've learned to be prepared. And if I lost you -"

She shakes her head instead of finishing her thought, and Lena starts to move to get closer but this time Kara stops her. 

"No one could take you away from me completely. Something would stay right where it is, immovable, unchangeable."

"What if we have a fall out?" Lena asks bluntly. "What if something happens and we end up hating each other? We can't rule it out," she adds before Kara can complain.

But Kara doesn't seem to waver.

"Right now, right here I love you. Nothing that happens from now on can change my feelings in this precise moment. And the things you've given me, nothing could change them either."

The admission hits hard. Both because for a moment she envisions an existence where she hates Kara and doesn't talk to her anymore, and because what she says it's true. She could say it back and it would be the truth. 

She understands Kara's fear - no one more than her could, with all the people she's lost herself. She really can't take the solace of it away from her. It's just a tattoo, she has others she regrets and she lives with them everyday without even remembering.

"Okay," she says, taking Kara's hand and meeting her eyes. "Okay, let's do it."

The rush of giddiness she feels when Kara launches herself into her arms and tackles her down on the cushions of the couch makes her breathless, but she holds on. She laughs at Kara's excited _thank you!_ and tightens her hold around her, but right after the laugh dies down and she finds herself on her back with Kara on her, warm and happy, nuzzling her neck. The two I love yous Kara has thrown so easily at her come back in all their force.

A tattoo won't make a difference, she thinks then. Kara is already under her skin.

* * *

What Lena hadn't envisioned, is how hard choosing Kara's tattoo would be.

She had outright asked Kara what she wanted, or what she didn't want, and Kara had not made it easy for her.

"Lena, the thing about this is I cannot have anything to do with choosing my own tattoo. You don't have to rule out anything for me, whatever you get me will be great," she had said, hugging her right after and leaving her with more questions than before.

So Lena spends hours upon hours brainstorming ideas - she thinks about Kara's favorite songs, movies, quotes. And then her own, because Kara had said she wanted something of _her_. She brows images on Pinterest and Instagram, even asks Alex for advice. 

"I already told Kara I don't like that you two are doing this," Alex replies, crossing her arms.

"It's important."

"It's crazy, Lena. You know this."

"I won't take it away from her."

Alex blinks, furrowing her brows at her. Lena wonders why Kara hasn't shared the reason behind this tattoo thing with her sister, but she doesn't say anything. Alex doesn't ask further and just tells her she has no idea how to help her.

"I don't know, something related to the sky? She likes it a lot."

Right. And when she finds the drawing of a slice of a moon on the Internet, minimal but graceful, a moment comes back to her.

Her and Kara, back when their friendship was so new she would tiptoe into each conversation. A night, at L-Corp, Kara had taken her hand and lead her outside on the balcony, only to watch the sky. She had found it strange in the beginning, but Kara was blissful, smiling up at the dark expanse above them, and Lena had felt her breath hitch at the view.

" _Luna_ ," Kara had whispered, still looking up, making Lena hum in question. " _Luna_. Moon. Your name is really close."

There was a reverence in the way Kara was pronouncing the words, as if cradling them carefully in her palm in fear they would break. She didn't even know Kara knew other languages, and it definitely wasn't French. 

"You are a moon person. Afar, sometimes dark. A side of you is always hidden. But beautiful. People look at you with wonder."

She remembers how hard the words had hit, leaving her suddenly breathless. She wanted to beg her to stop, tell her she just couldn't say things like that right in her face. But Kara had gone on, and she didn't have the heart to interrupt her.

"They say I'm the sun," she had said. "I guess it's true. I blind people, and they can never look at me and see me."

"Kara," Lena had replied, taken aback by the sadness in Kara's voice. "It's the sun. We would perish without you."

Lena settles for that particular design, takes a sheet of paper and starts to write the same sentence over and over again. When there's no space left she scans the words and picks the ones that came out better - the cleanest, easiest to read. Her handwriting will be with Kara forever, so it better be perfect.

* * *

What Lena also hadn't envisioned is the interview the producers of the show impose. 

Firstly, they make them sit through it together, and she's glad Kara's so excited she talks and talks and talks, because she's the exact opposite. She just stares while Kara talks about them: their friendship, how they met, how she convinced her to do this.

"She wasn't very sure about it," she smiles, turning to her and finding her eyes. "I know she still isn't and is doing this only for me. Thank you."

Kara moves her hand to Lena's thigh and squeezes in thanks, and Lena just lets her own hand rest on Kara's, feeling the knuckles under her palm move when she squeezes again.

She's forced to talk when they move Kara in another room, in front of another camera. 

"So, Lena," the girl says while Lena lies down on the tatto table. "Your design is going to be placed under your breasts and over your ribs. It could hurt, it's not the best of places to choose."

"It's okay," Lena replies, breathing in. "Can we stop for a bit if it gets too much?"

"Of course."

Lena closes her eyes as she's instructed then and the girl - _Mary_ , she learns - pushes her t-shirt up until it rests under her breasts. 

When the needle starts to pierce her skin, it tickles more than hurts, and Mary sounds very impressed by her pain tolerance level. They both relax a bit, and Mary starts to ask questions.

"Why didn't you want to participate?"

She can feel the red dot of a camera flashing on and off somewhere around them, and even though she tells herself to just lie, to say something simple, what her brain forms is actually the truth.

"Because it's intimate," she hears herself say. She doesn't open her eyes, and Mary doesn't ask her to explain, but she does so anyway. "You know when you let someone in and you think you can handle it at first, but then…"

She stops, focusing on the feeling of the needle on the tender flesh of her rib.

"Then they start to be everywhere and in everything and it grows out of you control. Not only you don't try to stop it, you actively want them to be always there. You help the process."

She can't see Mary, but she feels her alt and stare at her for a moment. "Why would that be a bad thing?"

She smiles a bit at that. She's glad that it sounds so easy for her, because it means that Mary doesn't have trauma about abandonment. It means that she lets herself be loved and that she lets herself reciprocate it because she knows that no one will be calling her weak and pathetic for it. 

For Lena, though, it just isn't like that.

"Loneliness is not as dangerous. It feels safer."

"But life is not about being safe. It's about feeling something."

* * *

Only when they're all in the same room again and Kara is standing right in front of the mirror it drawns on her how afraid she is. The hosters are talking only to make them restless, to increase the emotional heaviness of the moment and Lena knows it - she really does. But Kara is there, wearing goggles to keep her from sneaking a peak, her hands keeping her shirt up, and Lena wants to run away. Suddenly the design she was pretty sure about seems horrible and stupid, and the words… the words sound so _cheesy_. 

"Kara, how long have you known Lena?" one of the hosters asks.

"Four years!" she answers brightly.

"Then let's count back from there."

The only thing keeping Lena from truly running away is the discipline she's learnt over the years. She can feel her face turn blank as the numbers go by: the face that makes people fear her, that shields her in moments of disadvantage.

When the hosters scream at Kara to take away the goggles, for long moments she can't feel anything. Kara takes some steps towards the mirror and lifts the shirt up more, but Lena doesn't even really see it. It only comes back gradually: the way Kara can't stop looking at it, the way she traces it over the protective plastic with a fingertip. 

It all goes back into focus when Kara turns to her and Lena takes notice of the way that slice of moon, her handwritten _I love you_ look on Kara's skin.

"My moon," Kara whispers, making her raise her head.

She nods. She has nothing more to say. 

And then it's her turn and the countdown is starting anew from 4. Right then she starts to fear the moment of the reveal: will she have to fake her contentment? Probably not - but will Kara see what she feels even if her reaction won't be so clear on her face?

Kara's used to her way of showing emotions, but still: people are watching, and they could think that she doesn't care about Kara as much as she does.

Once she's granted permission to take off her goggles and she obeys, the first thing she sees are the words resting under her breasts. They're big, as if trying really hard not to be ignored. It's not Kara's handwriting, but it doesn't change anything.

 _You mean everything_.

Around it, there's a halo of sunflowers, all open. Even though there's a possibility that Kara didn't mean it, she can't help but agree on her choice of flowers: Kara _is_ the sun, she said so herself, and Lena is bound to look out for her in any moment, turning when she moves, closing in herself when Kara vanishes.

She has the urge to wrap her arms around herself, but she can't touch the skin there, it's still too swollen, so she just turns to Kara. The eyes she finds in front of her are watery but she can't blame her, because her own are, too, she can feel it. 

And then Kara's lips are moving, but there's no sound. _You mean everything_ , she mouths from where she’s standing, nodding to herself, and Lena can't help but do the same. _I love you._

It's still not out loud, but it's something. And that something makes Kara speak for real this time. She twists the goggles in her hands and Lena feels that twist inside, in her stomach.

"Lena, I…" she says, making the hosters quiet again. "You really do mean everything. And I don't want to be just friends anymore."

She hears the words. And what she thinks first is that she should be surprised, that they come out of nowhere and so maybe it's just the emotion of the moment. But in all honesty the words don't, in fact, surprise her: she could feel them there between them even before Kara spoke (not just now, but always).

"Wait, let me get this right," one of the hosters says. "Are you basically asking Lena to be your girlfriend?"

"I am," Kara nods, nodding again as she never takes her eyes off her. 

"And what's the answer?!"

The tattoo under her breasts seems to pulse and her face feels hot, but a wet, unstoppable smile forms on her lips and she feels so stupid for how breathy her _yes!_ sounds - but it's okay.

It's okay, Kara finally comes to her and wraps her arms around carefully but tightly and it's okay. 

When she will be in her right mind she will ask herself why she let this happen on national television and why she just _had_ to kiss Kara for the first time right there in front of millions of people, but it's still okay. There are cheers around them and Kara closing her eyes, her forehead against hers.

 _Everything, everything_ , she keeps whispering.

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me here! [ Tumblr ](http://thistableforone.tumblr.com/)


End file.
